It's been two months in the new land and I'm happy to say that it's OK. That's more than I could have expected to say two months ago. When I first landed here, I thought I had made some sort of huge mistake. What was I thinking leaving the comforts of home and venturing out into foreign lands? On my own? I was obviously kidding myself.
Turns out I wasn't. The revelation came as a suprise to me too.
When I think back, there were times I just wanted to turn away from all of it and not have to deal with any of it. What was the big deal about going abroad to study anyway? It's besides the point that millions of people do it every year. What made it necessary for me?
Now I have some of the answers. I needed to grow up. I was a child and would have always remained one back home. Out here, it's just me and that's making me develop in ways that take me by surprise sometimes. No, I'm no Einstein and I don't claim to be. But here I find myself turning going from a girl to a woman. The thought scares me sometimes. Most of the time, it makes me smile.
So I'm glad I didn't turn away. I like it here in this city where no one recognizes me. Makes me appreciate the familiarity back home. Of course I miss my family and friends. Who knew youtube could be so entertaining? And the course load is hectic. But there are some definite advantages and I'm not complaining. I've also realized that the tough parts are done almost as soon as they begin. It's just a case of hanging in there.
Does it make me want to go back. Hell yeah! But that can wait a while. For now, I'm learning too much to leave. And growing as a result of.
I'm grateful I took the advice of a teacher days before I left, when I was wavering whether I needed to take this big step at all. She said, "He who hesitates is lost." Thank you. I listened. Because I didn't hesitate, today I don't feel so lost.
2 comments:
Baby, I am telling you, you make me jolly-proud with each post!
It was great to hear you this morning.
About being there, like I always said--this would remain the most liberating and memorable part of you. So cherish it.
You know, I understand when you say that you are growing up and you are scared of yourself. But a good way to manage this is to be conscious of that kid within you. Trust me you will have to put in efforts to keep it alive... in one corner of yourself.
Never let it die.
I love you a lot and I am looking forward to your coming home.
Miss you a lot.... and one TIGHTTT hug! :)
muah!
a very helpful post.thank you.
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